A Journey Through Life...'s Blog

I'm feeling like I lost my blogging voice.  I found it therapeutic and almost fun to write the story of my life thus far but once I had covered the past......well, I guess it just accentuates how boring my life seemingly has become.  It really is alot more interesting to look over 40 years than it is to look at each day by day by day by...........I want to blog.  I want to leave a record of my thoughts/events/feelings as a record of this life that is speeding by so fast but I can only write about driving kids to so many soccer practices, softball practices, school before I bore even myself. 

There isn't alot to write about at work other than my supervisor left a month ago and now myself and everyone around me is feeling orphaned there.  She was the best supervisor most of us had ever worked for and now we are essentially without one with no plans to rehire.  Keeping in mind that I can be very oppositional, that should be a dream, right?  Actually I learned so much from her and I miss her.  I've grown up alot in the 12 years I've worked at my current job and alot of that was due to her calm, straightforward, common sense way of dealing with things as they came her way.  Also, after having spent the previous decade or so working for Bill and then Art, it was good to have someone strong and admirable that I would never end up sleeping with.  Not that I'm a ho or anything, but it does seem now that I had started a rather strange pattern prior to this last supervisor!

Donald Piper was a serial killer who killed at least 3 women, all in hotels, in the Des Moines area about 10 years ago.  Interestingly enough my dad is staying at one of those hotels tonight.  I took the girls there to swim this evening and the thought had not occured to me (about the murder) until I walked in the door and had the weirdest feeling come over me to the point where I'm wondering if dad's room is where it happened.  Not that I've ever been particularly clairvoyant, however.  Probably just my weird curiosity more than anything else.  I didn't tell dad about the murder.  It'll be interesting to see how he slept tonight, poor guy.  I guess that's what happens when you get a super cheap hotel room through Priceline!

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The girls' schools were on spring break this past week and we (just the 5 of us) drove to Branson---entertainment mecca of the Midwest.  I love family vacations.  I love them because even though the girls fuss and fight, they also have incredible moments of closeness that I rarely see among the busyness of our lives here.  I'm not really a country music fan but, as I've been telling my friends, you don't necessarily have to be to have fun in Branson.  Our last "real" vacation was to Branson as well, 1 1/2 years ago.  The weather was perfect while we were there, mostly in the 70's.  It was great to watch the trees gradually turn green over the course of the week.  It wasn't the most beautiful time to be in the Ozarks, but it was still fun to hike and be outside.  We saw several shows Dixie Stampede (for the 2nd time), Amazing Pets and Kirby Van Burch.  Of course we rode the Ducks, which is probably my favorite Branson attraction.  

I'm not sure 'southern hospitality' is necessarily alive and well in Branson though.  Several of the people I dealt with especially ordering show tickets and such, acted like it was a major ordeal to fulfill the order.  What was up with that, I'm not sure.......Everything there is VERY expensive and you'd think they'd appreciate the tourists that probably provide more than 1/2 of the area's economy! 

Everytime I go south w/my Jolie-ish Pitt-ish family, I'm a bit hypersensitive regarding racism---Missouri was a slave state, ya know?!  There were tons of people there from Arkansas and Oklahoma as well but we really only had one 'bad' event that probably was racially based--the condos we stayed in had a very lame swimming pool--one so lame that even my 2 little girls really didn't like it.  They did like the hot tub there though and the first night we went to the pool there were several other kids in it so that's where mine ended up too even though the sign by the hot tub (as is true of most hotels and such) said that you had to be 16 or older to go in.  A day or so later we had a couple of hours to kill so all of us went down to the hot tub.  There weren't any other kids around just then so my 4 were the only ones in the hot tub--no adults either.  Soon, this lady who had been inside the lame pool comes over and says that the kids couldn't be in the hot tub b/c they weren't 16 and older and I stated that yes, I had seen the sign but when we had been there earlier, several kids, some younger than mine, had been in and out of the hot tub virtually all evening.  Now, keep in mind, the woman didn't work there, she was another vacationer.  She walked off in a huff and said, "WELL, I'm just going to go and ask".  Soon she was dragging back a fairly decent guy who worked for the place and of course, he said somewhat apologetically, everyone in the hot tub had to be 16 or older like the sign said.  I really don't blame the guy and if staff consistently enforced it, wouldn't have a problem with the 16+ rule but what that old, nosy, wretched bitty cared, I don't know!!  She didn't even go into the hot tub after we left so it probably wasn't even the fact that she couldn't stand the thought of sharing it with (heaven forbid) black people, although perhaps she felt it was contaminated even after they left.   Anyway, people like her were the exception and we had a good time in spite of her.  One lady from Arkansas asked if I was a home school teacher?!?!?  She was probably trying to figure out our dynamic, but at least she was very nice about it.

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What is/are your favorite Girl Scout cookie flavor?  Since various cookies are called different things in various parts of the country, please describe which one you mean.

My 2 favorites (it's a virtual tie) are Tagalongs (peanut butter and chocolate) and Samoas (coconut w/the chocolate drizzle). 

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I'm beginning to see my eldest as human again.  Actually I feel a bit bad for her/kinda admire her because she has been sooo busy this week but is still managing to keep her almost-straight-A-average going (freshman science is a B, but I remember the class when I had to take it and I don't hold this against her).  She made varsity track and practices for that every night from 3-5 then it is straight to the high school she's transferring to next year for basketball practice from 5-7 with their AAU team---state tourney is this weekend and for the last 2 nights, she's had vocal music concerts at her current school at 7:30.  Hopefully next week it will be down to just track practice after school. 

It is parent teacher conference week at all of the girls' schools.  I'm pretty proud of all of them.  Payten and Jaden are both doing well.  The other 2 had some disadvantages at the beginning of their lives and will always struggle a bit more.  Kyler is extremely bright but also EXTREMELY lazy, doing the minimum she has to do whether it is behavior, school work, anything.  16 months in a Russian orphanage kinda does that to you----she has come so far though as she had significant reactive attachment disorder issues when she first came home.  Ry was severely drug effected at birth.  She struggles the most of all of them.  It seems like the language/reading/mood control parts of her brain are injured the most---she's a very interesting kid with a heart of gold but can also be my most challenging and in school she is on the verge of needing extra help but doesn't quite test low enough to qualify for anything. 

When people see my family, they ask the most interesting questions---Payten and Jaden are biracial/tri-racial, Ry is African American and Kyler is tall and blond, just like me.  Everyone assumes that she is my biological child and the others are adopted.  If Ray is with us I sometimes wonder if people assume Payten and Jaden our ours and we both had affairs creating the other 2.  Some people just think I sleep around. Basically our family is resembling the Jolie-Pitt family more and more---or maybe I should say their family is resembling ours more and more.  I'm VERY proud of all my kids but a little hesitant to post pictures of them, just because, being the net, scary folk may wander by from time to time.  That's why, so far, you just get my cat. 

Happy weekend everyone!

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OK, all you dream analysists out there---decode this.  No, wait, on second thought, I'm not sure I want to know what these weird dreams might mean----possibly that I've taken a dramatic drive off the deep end.

I rarely remember any of my dreams---maybe once a year I can remember a usually very boring, benign one, but I usually sleep well and hardly ever have scary dreams.  Last nights' though, we just plain weird.  Weird because there were 3 in quick succession and weird because they all left me feeling kinda unsettled.

Dream #1:  My oldest daughter and I were in the very conservative small town I grew up in---nothing weird there, we've been back several times.  The weird piece was we stopped, unannouced at the home of a high school acquaintences parents--where this person still lived even though I know she's married and has adult children.  So, we just kinda barge into her house (keep in mind, we weren't particularly close before and we've had no contact since) and there is a whole group of people there, many of whom were really at my mom's visitation before her funeral---sitting in a circle just like they were then.  Two of my aunts were there who I've only seen once or twice since then leading to

Dream #2:  Which may have been a continuation of dream #1 but it was a pretty big leap because next thing I knew was that one of my aunts and I were in line at the small town grocery store buying Depends, generic depends actually.  For some reason, she made me buy them even though they were for her.  I was so embarrassed because I just knew everybody thought they were for me since I was buying them.

Dream #3:  Totally unrelated, I think---I was in New York City trying to rescue (by myself)a very nice looking man (who was badly addicted to drugs--so in real life it's doubtful he'd be that good looking) from his burning apartment.  I'm not sure if I ever succeeded because I woke up and decided to read instead of going back to sleep.

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I am sitting here this Monday morning 1) Thankful that school is in session today after being closed Friday due to the blizzard and 2) Beating myself up because I'm feeling like a terrible mom. 

They are pretty much all driving me crazy right now.

Payten is at the top of the list.  She's 15 so that says alot right there.  I recognize that she isn't nearly as bad as many other 15 year olds.  She's not into drugs or drinking.  She's still a virgin despite having had a serious boyfriend for the past several months.  She gets good grades and all of her teachers love her, in fact, we have a saying "Everybody loves Payten" in the same dry way the TV show said "Everybody loves Raymond".  She is beautiful.  She looks almost exactly like her father---which is both good and bad---good because he really is incredibly handsome and bad because I see so much of him in her and that drives me crazy at times.  Payten has always liked to shop and she would spend money like water if I'd let her.  I admit I lean toward the cheap-skate side and am always talking about wants vs. needs.  For example, I believe that someone's 5th pair of white tennis shoes is a want, not a need.  On Sunday I took just Kyler and Jaden with me to church because the other 2 had been out 'til midnight going to Denise's COGIC church.  After church the 3 of us when to Scheels and bought our pool table, foosball table and air hockey table.  We walked by Payless shoes on the way out and I remembered that Ryann really needed a new pair of snowboots---she has size 8 feet, bigger than anyone else in our house and has been cramming her feet into 7's so far this year.  I got the snowboots and let Ky pick out a new pair of tennis shoes because I was feeling bad that she NEVER gets any new shoes because the hand-me-downs from Payten are so plentiful.  Jaden was with us and really wanted a new pair of crocs and frankly I let her get some because it is so much easier for me if she can put slip-ons on instead of tie shoes in the morning 'cuz they take her FOREVER!  We got home and Kyler, the turd, annouces to Payten that everyone got new shoes but her.  This didn't go over very well and she launched into a diatribe about how she hasn't gotten anything new for over 2 months and that I'm always yelling at her----Really, I don't think I yell at her much at all.  I probably have been ordering her around quite a bit because at the age of 15 I think she should be able to see things that needs to be done without necessarily having to be told.  For example, on Friday we got in the car so she could go and spend the night with a friend---she got there first and was sitting in the car which had totally frosted up windows from the garage door being open.  I was ticked that she hadn't gotten the scraper out and, you know, started scraping.  I didn't yell but I did say that I couldn't believe that she would just get in and sit there assuming that the windows would somehow magically clear---THEN she offers to scrape.  It's that kind of stuff that is driving me crazy about her.  I know I am driving her just as crazy by having expectations for her. 

My paragraphs on how the other girls are driving me crazy because I have to go and scream now. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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That's what I'm feeling like about now.  Ray's sister is a member of a COGIC church, which, from what I can tell, is one of the more conservative African American denominations.  They are having some special service there tonight and she asked to bring Payten and Ryann with her---I think it is her way of making sure I am raising them black enough, which is OK.  Of course Jaden is her biological niece but I think she is still a little too antsy, so Denise doesn't ask for her to go.  Wellll, COGIC girls and women wear dresses or skirts to church generally.  My girls have a dress or two but since our church has gone to contemporary casual their numbers are limited because we can wear jeans and sweatshirts, etc.  I found one for Ryann but Payten has ONLY denim skirts.  But not the kind one should wear to a COGIC church, but denim mini skirts---we finally decided on black velvety pants because at least they provide conservative coverage.  I really am not encouraging Payten to be a hoochie mama, but, just the same, I'm feeling a little derelect in my mothering duties. 

Shoveled again today after our snow and wind of the past two days.  No school yesterday.  Took Ryann and Jaden swimming (yes, indoor) this p.m.  Now I'm gonna pick up some pizza, get the two kids I have at home settled in and read a book I started at the pool.  Cross-X, about a debate team from an inner city school from Kansas City. 

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1963-1970---My parents' first farm house.  Cold in the winter, quite rustic year 'round.  Didn't have indoor toilets 'til I was 2.  (7 years)

1970-1982---My parents' second farm house.  Newly remodeled when we moved there in '70's greens and browns.  Not bad though. (12 years)

1982-1984---Dorm rooms on the 1st floor and 3rd floor of Smith Hall, an all girls dorm. (2 years)

1984-1985---A lovely large ranch home on the outskirts of town.  Probably the nicest house I've lived in.  (1 1/2 years)

1985-1986---A 2-story suburban house outside of Savannah, GA also spent a lot of time in a little 2 bedroom beach house in South Carolina during this time. (1 year) 

1987---A 2-story suburban house outside of Des Moines, IA (<1 year)

1987-1990---A cute 1 bedroom apartment in the same suburb as that cited above. (3 years)

1990-1992---A brand-spankin' new 2 bedroom ranch style townhouse in Des Moines. (2 years)

1992-1999---The first house that was all mine!  A split foyer in the Beaverdale section of Des Moines.  (7 years)

1999-2003---My (own) first ranch in another 'burb of Des Moines.  Smallish, 3 bedroom. (4 years)

2003-'til now and for as long as I can imagine---A 4 bedroom ranch that I had custom built for my growing group of girls about 8 blocks from my previous home. (3 years and counting!)

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Before I begin, let me say, I am 100% straight.  Not that I have a problem with others living a gay/lesbian lifestyle but I like men.  Actually I like men who are in charge and strong and all of that.  I don't want a wife in a sexual sense.

I want a wife because I truly suck at housework.  I hate it. Except for laundry, I strangely find that soothing and it always makes me feel like I've accomplished something important.  When my kids were littler I loved to fold their clothes, sort it into piles, etc.  Now I only have one girl small enough to wear "cute" stuff so some of that joy is gone, but I still like laundry.

I don't like dishes.  I don't like cooking.  I don't like dusting, cleaning toilets, cleaning the fridge and picking up after myself and especially not picking up after others.  My kids, typical kids, tend to leave a path of their crap wherever they go.  Usually I tend to catch it right away and make them put it away but sometimes I get so tired of harping about the same things over and over that I let it accumulate until I can't stand it anymore and go "psycho-mommy-ocd-crazy", cleaning it all up and then going ballistic if anyone even leaves a crumb on the floor (I may be exaggerating just a tad--I don't want child protective services descending).

Payten's dad "Mr. GQ", was OCD.  One reason it didn't work out with him.  Payten, too, has those tendencies when it comes to her personal appearance and her bedroom.  Her t-shirts are arranged by color, hanging in her closet.  Who else hangs t-shirts in her closet?  Except for Art, who also wanted them ironed.  Anyway, Payten's OCD tendencies don't expand toward any other part of the house.  Her stuff is laying around as much as any of the others.  Go figure. 

School is getting out early today in anticipation for the snow and ice that probably is on it's way, though it is just raining now.  One more reason I want a wife.  On weekends and evenings, I really do try to put myself into my kids 100%---BUT, on school days, I plan for that time to be a mixture of work, me and yes, even cleaning the house and doing laundry.  My peace will end promptly at 2 today.  If I had a wife this wouldn't be as big of a problem.  Come to think of it, I probably don't need a wife as much as I need an Alice--you know--Alice from the Brady Bunch.  Can't afford one of those though so I better get going and get organized before the little darlings come bursting through the door with their junk, wet shoes, tiffs, etc.

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