Funny of the Day

Posted on 2007-08-13

I got this funny from a coworker a few minutes ago in an email.  Makes alot of sense I think! 

Life explained

  Creation
On the first day, God created the dog and said:

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or
walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years
and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you
a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time
to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under
the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family For this,
I will give you a life span of sixty
Years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you
twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the
forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog
gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you...

Momma's Peace Rap

Posted on 2007-08-13

I wish these were my words but they aren't.  A fellow Des Moines social worker, Jan Hill, wrote this rap and it is now making the rounds on YouTube.  If you'd like to see it search "momma's peace rap".

MOMMA'S PEACE RAP

I'm a middle aged mama with babies to save

and like all mamas, I don't want 'em in a grave

so I'm mad as hell and I won't take it anymore

it's long past time to end this crazy war!

The emperor tells us that we need more stuff--

all our money, resources and talent aren't enough

we have to conquer those foreign lands

and occupy them so they follow our command

But our country is abundant with all we need

our empire-building is purely greed

The only resource that's scarce these days

is the wisdom that we have to change our ways

Now emperor, I can see you're wearing no clothes

'cuz the naked truth is that you're causing our woes

You really don't care if everyone's free

Just freedom for you and your rich cronies--

to pillage our earth and plunder our people

and you hide behind a tall church steeple.

If you really believed what Jesus said

you'd be loving all the world's people instead 

of killing off thousands and torturing too

and being the world's bully--the enemy is you!

Now more have died than were killed on 9/11

and the ones who survive feel there is no heaven

'cuz the hell they've lived will be with 'em forever

and you thank 'em by ignoring their endeavor

You've made us afraid and we've been distracted

by toys and idols so we haven't acted

We've kept too quiet and tried to behave

We forgot we're equals, not pharaoh's slave

You work for us--you're a public servant

In democracy we must all be observant

and protect our rights of privacy and speech

and learn to practice what we preach

We know without justice there can be no peace

but justice for "just us" now must cease

'cuz the world's caught on to what you're doing

it's the folks at home you think you're fooling

Emperor, do you know that an empire's fate

is to keep starting wars until it's too late?

They end in bankruptcy and revolution

until they find that the real solution

is to love your neighbor and work together

for it's when we all win that the world is better.

So homeland security begins at home

better clean up your own house and heed this poem.

Bring our babies home and end this slaughter

so we can have peace for each son and daughter.

I want all our babies to have the chance

to live and love and laugh and dance.

So, now it's time to start the talk

if we want our babies to walk the walk

we gotta show them how it's done

with respectful negotiation, not a gun.

Not bombs or missles or WMDs

but United Nations peace treaties.

Feeding the hungary, freeing the slave

working together with the world to save

us all from the fate of war's destruction

to be the world's helper not an obstruction

Be a team player at home and abroad

and stop dividing us with lies and fraud.

I'm a peace loving mama with lives to save

To live in peace we must all be brave

'cuz the empire tells us to hate each other

and forget we all are sisters and brothers.

The empire will try to dis my words

'cuz its scared that when the truth is heard

it's harder to keep us in a cave of denial

but the light of peace is worth the trial.

Let's imagine a world without chaos and greed

and pollution, war, famine and need.

Where the empire's domination will cease--

A world where all can live in peace.   

The weekend. Google Earth. A book. A movie.

Posted on 2007-08-12

I was down to 2 kids almost all weekend.  Of course the two most high maintenance ones, but still.  Ky has been in SD w/my cousin for the past 2 weeks and Ray chaperoned his church's youth group to Kansas City yesterday, taking Payten with along with his granddaughter.   Then today she went w/his sister to her church, which being COGIC, was an all day affair.  I took my high maintenance younger two swimming yesterday, surviving 1 exact hour waiting under the front desk overhang area b/c there was thunder and lightening to the north of us....pool rule....must stay out of the water for 30 min. from the last heard thunder, never mind that the cloud that actually produced the thunder was probably over Minnesota.  It was sunny over the pool for all but a few minutes of the 60 we were out of the pool. 

Today we had church and went to Chuck E Cheese for lunch, just my 2 littlest ones (who still like Chuck E Cheese) and me.  What swimming and Chuck E Cheese afforded me was an opportunity to read a whole book, start to finish...Read "The Nanny Diaries".  Good.  Funny.  Weird cuz it makes me want to be a nanny in NYC for about a day, just to see if it really like they say...

When Payten came home tonight we watched Madea's Family Reunion.  I like Madea.  If reincarnation is real (I truly don't think it is) I'm determined to come back as a Strong Black Woman just like Madea.

Oh yeah, my other newest toy.....Google Earth.  What a riot.  I "drove" the roads we're taking to Chicago/Indiana next month, I swooped down to see my roof lots of times along with Disney World, all my old homes, people I stalk, I mean know......Very big brotherish, but very fun at the same time.  

What's on Your Playlist

Posted on 2007-08-07

Here's what's on mine, not necessarily in this order:

Follow Me by Uncle Kracker

Last Dollar by Tim McGraw

Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson

Because of You, also by Kelly (Isn't this the perfect theme song for those of us who grew up in alcoholic or other dysfunctional homes?)

White America by Eminem

Cleanin Out My Closet by Eminem

Mockingbird, again, Eminem

Livin on a Prayer by Bon Jovi

Have a Nice Day, Bon Jovi

You Give Love a Bad Name, again, Bon Jovi

Goodbye Earl by the Dixie Chicks

Small Town by John Mellencamp

Bye Bye by JoDee Messina

Ten Thousand Angels by Mindy McCready

In the Ghetto by Elvis

There ya have it....music for almost every one of my moods.  :)

 

It's Not The Heat

Posted on 2007-08-06

It's not the heat but the humidity.  We midwesterners love to talk about the weather probably b/c we have such a wide variety of it.  Today it was oppressive...the kind of day when you walk outside and, if you wear glasses, they steam up instantly.  The kind of day that exerting any effort of any kind causes you to break out in a sweat.  The kind of day that makes you feel like you have a sauna just outside your front door. 

I had thought that it must be the hottest day we've had so far this summer but, surprise!! when I checked the temp at one point this evening it was a mere 81 degrees.  That's mild for this time of year so it proves once again, it really isn't the heat.  It's the humidity.

Today is Wednesday

Posted on 2007-08-01

August 1, 2007.  5 p.m.  I'm wearing black capris and the black/white tie dyed shirt.  This a.m. did the O family renewal and tonight got the W family at 7.  K is in SF w/Nancy, P is here and gotta get the other 2 in a minute.  Got 2 renewals typed and a meeting scheduled.  Did 3 or 4 loads of laundry, made bacon to go w/eggs and pancakes tonight.  Glad P isn't a pot smoker like the kid this a.m.  Oh yeah, and I got cable, phone and i-net bundled.

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