Well, it's been a while...
Took a break from Shoutpost......I think because I got tired of writing about my life because it doesn't really seem so boring until I read about it. I figure maybe if I journal here less there'll be more to write about when I do. 'Cept I still don't really have too much to write about.
Yesterday was a yuck day. First of all, it snlushed all day. What is snlush, you say? It's basically immobile rain that comes from the sky as snow, melts when it hits the ground but remains too frozen to flow anywhere but not frozen enough to blow or even be shoveled away like snow. Thus, snlush. I swear there was about an even foot of it spread across the parking lot---not a pleasant feeling on one's footsies!
Then I lost (or actually misfiled I think) a fairly important work document. Then one of my clients, a little 7 year old, had a psychotic break of sorts and is inpatient in a psych ward with totally fed up parents on the verge of a divorce.
Then there's my kids. The 15 year old wants to have sex. The 11 year old is a bully to her younger sister, the 8 year old has issues and the 6 year old is a spoiled brat. So hard with the 15 year old when everything in me wants to scream out......NO, YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE SEX!!! knowing that to do so would likely close down communication. She's a smart girl so I'm using the rational approach----STD's, pregnancy, ruined future, can't do anything 'til your on the pill etc.....
Before I was always thrilled when my kids moved from one stage to another. Now, I just want them to stop. I don't want 3 teenagers and 1 adult child in a few years. I don't want them not to need me. As it is, the only thing Payten seems to need me for already is money. Lotsa lotsa money.
This self-imposed drama I've created about them growing up got me thinking about adopting again. I read "There is No Me Without You" over the weekend and how anyone can read that and not want to adopt a kid from Ethiopia, I don't know. And then Payten said she and her boyfriend wanted to have sex and then I snapped to my senses and realized that even kids from Ethiopia will be teenagers who want to have sex someday. I'm already stuck with going through that 4 times. I don't think I have it in me for a 5th.
