Dark Confessions
I am sitting here this Monday morning 1) Thankful that school is in session today after being closed Friday due to the blizzard and 2) Beating myself up because I'm feeling like a terrible mom.
They are pretty much all driving me crazy right now.
Payten is at the top of the list. She's 15 so that says alot right there. I recognize that she isn't nearly as bad as many other 15 year olds. She's not into drugs or drinking. She's still a virgin despite having had a serious boyfriend for the past several months. She gets good grades and all of her teachers love her, in fact, we have a saying "Everybody loves Payten" in the same dry way the TV show said "Everybody loves Raymond". She is beautiful. She looks almost exactly like her father---which is both good and bad---good because he really is incredibly handsome and bad because I see so much of him in her and that drives me crazy at times. Payten has always liked to shop and she would spend money like water if I'd let her. I admit I lean toward the cheap-skate side and am always talking about wants vs. needs. For example, I believe that someone's 5th pair of white tennis shoes is a want, not a need. On Sunday I took just Kyler and Jaden with me to church because the other 2 had been out 'til midnight going to Denise's COGIC church. After church the 3 of us when to Scheels and bought our pool table, foosball table and air hockey table. We walked by Payless shoes on the way out and I remembered that Ryann really needed a new pair of snowboots---she has size 8 feet, bigger than anyone else in our house and has been cramming her feet into 7's so far this year. I got the snowboots and let Ky pick out a new pair of tennis shoes because I was feeling bad that she NEVER gets any new shoes because the hand-me-downs from Payten are so plentiful. Jaden was with us and really wanted a new pair of crocs and frankly I let her get some because it is so much easier for me if she can put slip-ons on instead of tie shoes in the morning 'cuz they take her FOREVER! We got home and Kyler, the turd, annouces to Payten that everyone got new shoes but her. This didn't go over very well and she launched into a diatribe about how she hasn't gotten anything new for over 2 months and that I'm always yelling at her----Really, I don't think I yell at her much at all. I probably have been ordering her around quite a bit because at the age of 15 I think she should be able to see things that needs to be done without necessarily having to be told. For example, on Friday we got in the car so she could go and spend the night with a friend---she got there first and was sitting in the car which had totally frosted up windows from the garage door being open. I was ticked that she hadn't gotten the scraper out and, you know, started scraping. I didn't yell but I did say that I couldn't believe that she would just get in and sit there assuming that the windows would somehow magically clear---THEN she offers to scrape. It's that kind of stuff that is driving me crazy about her. I know I am driving her just as crazy by having expectations for her.
My paragraphs on how the other girls are driving me crazy because I have to go and scream now. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
