Why I Really Need a Wife
Before I begin, let me say, I am 100% straight. Not that I have a problem with others living a gay/lesbian lifestyle but I like men. Actually I like men who are in charge and strong and all of that. I don't want a wife in a sexual sense.
I want a wife because I truly suck at housework. I hate it. Except for laundry, I strangely find that soothing and it always makes me feel like I've accomplished something important. When my kids were littler I loved to fold their clothes, sort it into piles, etc. Now I only have one girl small enough to wear "cute" stuff so some of that joy is gone, but I still like laundry.
I don't like dishes. I don't like cooking. I don't like dusting, cleaning toilets, cleaning the fridge and picking up after myself and especially not picking up after others. My kids, typical kids, tend to leave a path of their crap wherever they go. Usually I tend to catch it right away and make them put it away but sometimes I get so tired of harping about the same things over and over that I let it accumulate until I can't stand it anymore and go "psycho-mommy-ocd-crazy", cleaning it all up and then going ballistic if anyone even leaves a crumb on the floor (I may be exaggerating just a tad--I don't want child protective services descending).
Payten's dad "Mr. GQ", was OCD. One reason it didn't work out with him. Payten, too, has those tendencies when it comes to her personal appearance and her bedroom. Her t-shirts are arranged by color, hanging in her closet. Who else hangs t-shirts in her closet? Except for Art, who also wanted them ironed. Anyway, Payten's OCD tendencies don't expand toward any other part of the house. Her stuff is laying around as much as any of the others. Go figure.
School is getting out early today in anticipation for the snow and ice that probably is on it's way, though it is just raining now. One more reason I want a wife. On weekends and evenings, I really do try to put myself into my kids 100%---BUT, on school days, I plan for that time to be a mixture of work, me and yes, even cleaning the house and doing laundry. My peace will end promptly at 2 today. If I had a wife this wouldn't be as big of a problem. Come to think of it, I probably don't need a wife as much as I need an Alice--you know--Alice from the Brady Bunch. Can't afford one of those though so I better get going and get organized before the little darlings come bursting through the door with their junk, wet shoes, tiffs, etc.
