1987 and beyond. . .
The almost-idyllic life on the Georgia coast did not last forever. Nothing ever does. Perhaps I'll add more to this chapter as time goes on but for now, the abridged version.
Wanderlust of sorts struck Bill after a year in Georgia. He missed the midwest and I did too in a way. So on a bitterly, BITTERLY cold day in January 1987 we moved to Des Moines, Iowa. After driving for 26 hours straight we emerged from the car in something like -10 degrees. It must have been 60-something when we left, at least. At that point we were certainly re-thinking our decision. But, alas, it was too late for that. I cannot help but see that pivotal moment as the beginning of the end. An end that would take years to come to fruition, but an end, all the same.
Both of us were extremely sleep deprived, cranky and unsettled for the first few days. It was, as I remember, one long argument and again, I had a foreboding that this wasn't going to work.
I began taking baby steps toward independence. . . by May I had found a job as a children's advocate within a law practice whose primary clients were children; those in the foster care system and those who were charged with delinquencies. I hold a similar job to this day and it is one I value as much today as when I began.
Bill wasn't terribly happy about the job. After all, free child care was ending. But, during these times, he wasn't particularly happy about anything. Not that I was perfect. Actually, the almost 7 years he and I were together were such a period of growth for me that it had to be kinda like raising a teenager. One of the first things that had attracted me to Bill was the way he was with his two little girls. To this day, he is one of the better fathers I have ever known and in many ways, this is what I had been looking for in our relationship. I think after 3 years he had begun resenting having to 'parent' me but at the same time became fearful because he could see that I was becoming more independent and anytime one person changes in a relationship, the who relationship is upended. By September, things were so unstable we agreed that I would move out into my own apartment. He was still married to Sandy (a constant thorn in my side, not her but the fact he wouldn't file for divorce), we were picking at each other always and the initial idea was mine but as soon as Bill agreed, I kicked into "borderline" mode and felt rejected. We barely spoke during the next 3 months although I did see the girls regularly. In fact, I had the girls with me regularly but it wasn't until New Year's Eve that Bill and I reconciled. Though I would never actually move in and have his house as my permanent address from that point on, we were certainly more 'on' than we were 'off' during the next 3 years.
So, from 1988 until I found out I was pregnant in early 1991, my life consisted of 33% wife and mom; 33% child advocate/professional; 33% young single woman. In many ways, this was a fun stage of life. I was making friends as I think I finally caught up developmentally in the social skill arena and worked with a neat group of people. Which of course, leads to the next chapter. . . Arturo.
