1984 The Year of a New Beginning
I don't remember a lot of the specifics about my state of mind as I returned to college after Christmas break of 83-84. I know heading into break I was unhappy and quite lonely but I seem to remember that I returned to campus with a new resolve to do what I could to persevere and make my situation better. One that would soon pay off.
Shortly after returning from break, there was a part-time job posting on the 'jobs' board in the dorm. The local doctor's office was advertising for a secretary/receptionist a couple of evenings each week and Saturday mornings. A 'walk-in' clinic service was going to be offered for the first time in this relatively small community to prevent people from having to go to the ER for relatively minor things. I applied for and got the job, all in the same day. I enjoyed the work, meeting adults from the community, etc. I was having fun for the first time during my sophomore year of college. Looking back, one reason I think college was so hard was because I couldn't relate to the majority of people there. Most of them had come from very stable but conservative backgrounds and were out on their own for the first time. I literally had raised myself from about the age of 12 because my mom's mental capacity and my dad's emotional capacity stopped right around there. I wanted no real part of the partying (yes, even at a Christian college) and frivolous conversations/activities---I just simply couldn't relate there so it was a relief to be out in the community with people in their 20's , 30's and beyond.
When we first met, Bill was 31 (to my 20). He was one of the newer family practice doctors hired on to the practice and thus, ended up with more than his share of the evenings/weekends. We chatted some in between patients and I found him to be smart, entertaining and just plain interesting. I really didn't think of him much beyond that at first. I assumed he was married as there was a ring and even though 31 sounds almost infantile now, I saw him as more of a dad than a potential boyfriend as he had (quite typical for docs, I believe) a fairly paternal manner. We also never really had a chance to talk alone because he always bulleted out of the door the minute the clinic closed, leaving the office nurse and I behind to close things down. One slow night in late February I asked why he always raced to the door when the other docs, when they worked an evening, usually stayed to do their charts, etc. As he rolled his eyes, he spoke of his wife having left him the fall before to pursue her own medical degree at a school in Texas. He had 2 little girls (Bryana 4 and Sydney 8 months) and had to bring them various places to be watched while he worked the late shifts. He hated that he had to wake them up, take them home and then try to get them back to sleep to get up early for daycare the next day. I suggested that he needed a sitter who came to his home and he asked if I wanted the job. I reminded Bill that I worked the nights he worked and he stated that he'd trust almost anyone to cover the front desk but almost no one with his girls. . .[OK, now you know. Flatter me and I'll do almost anything you want.] Within the week, I had met Bryana and Sydney. Within 2, a new evening receptionist was hired and within a month I was in love and spending the bulk of my out-of-class time at Bill's house. The absolutely wonderful thing about this was, that, for the first time, I was loved (or at least lusted) back. Still technically a virgin (when I was assualted at 16 it didn't include vaginal intercourse), I loved the anticipation of what I knew would eventually occur. I had gone out with a couple of guys at school during my college freshman year (double date, blind date, that kind of thing) but I had stiffened when they even went in for a kiss---needless to say, they never called back.
For a couple of months, we flirted, played and talked around the attraction we both felt. After all, his wife was just away and I was just the babysitter. I, though, had never been so comfortable with any male. I was never even close to that comfortable with my dad. I could be the same 'me' I was with my female friends and this was incredibly redeeming. I also was learning what Bill liked. Bill was a boob guy. I'm not sure how I knew it before the conversations about my apparently amazing breasts, but I did. Still way to shy to make the first real move, I did all I could to bring it about. It was a low-cut V-neck mauvish color sweater that did it on March 21. That night as I was leaving, he was saying goodbye and fingering the neckline of the V. He said that I had 2 options. . .1)From now on when I came over wear only the couple of 'librarian' outfits he had previously given me crap about; 2)Follow through on what I was advertising.
That decision took me about .000002 seconds and thus began the greatest roller coaster ride of my life so far. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows.
